Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
