Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There r osticjed everywhere
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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