Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
