he wants to bone in the snuggie
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
