i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
