You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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