He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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