I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
