hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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