I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
