clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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