i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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