Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
