it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
