you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
