You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
