I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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