Where is the hickey?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
