I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
mondays should just be called national damage control day
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
