I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
