Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
