I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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