you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I wish I only lived at night.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
