Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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