Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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