I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Randomize
