forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
