I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
