I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
