is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Terrible idea I love it
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
