Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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