i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
