Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
