I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
