It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
