You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
