My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
