pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
All I want is dick and wine.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
