You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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