really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
