She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
