a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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