idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
