did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
