The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
