I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize
