We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
