Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
