god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
