I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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